would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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