careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
