I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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