I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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