I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's never too late to be topless.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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