He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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