Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
