I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
