Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
