and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
