she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
