Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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