I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
