you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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