You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
His nipple licking is glorious
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