i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
