Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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