ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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