I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
