I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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