so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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