I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
