how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
