he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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