Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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