I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
