"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
