coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
