So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
