This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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