dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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