just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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