i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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