no, he came in my armpit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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