Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
