i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
