I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
