nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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