it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
