6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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