Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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