Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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