just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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