Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
