I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
