this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
