Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
