Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
