i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
