Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
