Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
