Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
